√ariable

2012-01-12T16:33:00.000-05:00

2011-10-27T13:20:00.003-04:00

2011-10-25T14:00:00.001-04:00

2011-09-13T18:58:00.003-04:00

"The need to see something real, to see life and yet be able to disappear in the crowd makes it necessary for me to seek out large cities," Max Klinger.

2011-09-02T17:20:00.002-04:00

2011-09-02T16:21:00.001-04:00

i am seriously in love with this picture

2011-09-02T16:16:00.001-04:00

VW Trafficjam

2011-08-17T13:14:00.003-04:00

I happened to ride to Governor's Island last weekend and the VW Trafficjam Car Show was happening! So many sweet VW buses, Karmann Gias, Beetles etc. I love all the different styles of pop up tops.

2011-07-03T17:34:00.007-04:00

apparently this striped insect is in the bed bug family

2011-07-02T18:26:00.002-04:00

how small is a mini beagle?

2011-03-15T17:03:00.000-04:00

the pitts

2011-03-15T16:52:00.005-04:00

2011-03-09T19:19:00.000-05:00

2011-03-09T19:10:00.002-05:00

saw this beautiful window yesterday at Brooklyn Museum. It is made of found objects: river stones, shells, old glass bottles... so beautiful, circa 1910. Was originally installed in the chapel of the home for aged men at 745 Classon Ave. not far from where I live in Bed Stuy.

mini

2011-03-03T15:00:00.001-05:00

what a pleasant surprise running into you george!

2011-02-09T15:01:00.003-05:00

What I'm doing: listening to NPR "All Things Considered" eating orzo salad

Feeling: shaky, parched, was that tequila shot really necessary?

Favorite new coffee spot: O Cafe, it's the shit check it out everybody

Asking myself: if i'll be able to go to yoga in an hour and not vomit

Why am I doing this?? I dunno my mind is so frazzzzled

Last night met this freak girl, I'm almost scared to recount the story bc I wouldn't put it past her to find this. Emily & I were out drinking whiskey and having a nice chat when this girl decided to come up and join in. We were welcoming. She kept feeling my curls and telling me how much she wanted to blow it out and how easy it would be & how much I would love it. This girl was obsessed with beautifying me. She kept ripping off my glasses and saying you're so much prettier without these things. Telling me I should choose more flattering frames bc I'm disfiguring myself by wearing weird glasses or somethin. I told her I don't care if I'm living up to my pretty potential. Then she suggests tequila shots. I say no. Emily says yes. Crazy says she's buying. Go up to the bar and as she's ordering the shots she says "you guys are my friends right? you're not using me are you?" First of all gal yr the one that offered and 2nd of all this girl is obviously a ball of insecurities. I tell her she should be an actress makes sense to me seeing that her personality is so extreme. She starts getting really into this idea talking about how it's always been a secret desire of hers (surprise surprise.) She says she would go for a Natalie Portman or Naomi Watts ideal and demands that Emily give her a scenario. Unceasingly she insists on a scenario I give them one she makes Emily play the mother part (poor Emily.) Seeing how painful this is for Em I suggest we head to the dance floor for our trademark goth sway. Crazy follows us to the back says she doesn't dance, then clarifies with she only dances swing. She forces me to let her teach me how to swing! I'm horrible and promptly bail. She enlists a poor dude sitting by himself in a booth and they start dancing until his Chinese lady friend comes back. Then crazy starts rambling on incessantly about all the Chinese bitches in Bushwick always stealing her men. Emily and I get into an intense tete-a-tete and the girl keeps demanding we pay attention to her so she doesn't look lame in front of this dude. Then she disappears. Em & I decide to leave and as we exit we see her sitting on a stoop legs sprawled on the sidewalk. She's talking on the phone and beckons for us not to leave her but we just keep on going.

I don't know if that story is at all interesting sorry. The ending is predictable, woke up groaning with a killer headache.

look of the day

2011-01-12T16:16:00.000-05:00

In my book Proenza can do no wrong. Their pre-fall is phenom as per usual.

2011-01-12T16:10:00.000-05:00

2011-01-12T15:57:00.006-05:00

grad school left me m.i.a. for quite sometime, i'm back indefinitely. what did you do for les vacances?

2010-09-09T09:59:00.004-04:00

2010-09-09T09:16:00.002-04:00

2010-08-19T18:07:00.002-04:00

Click here to see many lovely newly discovered sea creatures

2010-08-18T11:21:00.004-04:00

produce from my parent's backyard (-bananas)

untamed bitch Forest must stay on a leash

motherload of compostables

photos by j. hartmann

sea creature inspired floral arrangement

2010-08-11T16:56:00.004-04:00

being good children in our twin beds at gramma's house

2010-07-28T18:36:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow my vacation begins, finally! Can't wait to breath in that fresh Pacific ocean air, watch the fog roll in, and see my towhead and all my lovely west coast friends. Too bad this white wine hangover is putting a damper on my blissful anticipation.

2010-07-26T18:43:00.003-04:00

Love comes quietly
Love comes quietly

finally, drops

about me, on me,

in the old ways.

What did I know

thinking myself

able to go

alone all the way.

The Flower

I think I grow tensions

like flowers

in a wood where

nobody goes.

Each wound is perfect,

encloses itself in a tiny

imperceptible blossom,

making pain.

Pain is a flower like that one,

like this one,

like that one,

like this one.

2010-07-24T12:44:00.000-04:00

my new favorite

look of the day

2010-07-24T12:26:00.000-04:00

2010-07-23T17:10:00.010-04:00

“The darkened copies of all the trees…”

leave shadows.

Howl of the coyotes slinking through the chaparral

they sing a whole bucket of pleas

our hearts are only free when we let them be

watching as time dwindles in the wind

feeling the chill of the Pacific fog rolling in-

it floats, it settles,

blanketing the dunes in an impervious grey haze

that chill, the resonance of a freight train rambling down rusty tracks

all conjure acute feelings of the past

driving through the dew drunk fields

of broccoli, asparagus, delphinium

a maze of green-

fog salt sea

wind that whips about one’s body.

The cemetery sits sedately on a hill side

minding those of the eternal

looming over the half dead valley

that’s where he remains,

a corpse in a grave;

a body who succumbed too soon-

love was reduced to rot and ash

leaving only silence and crumbling memories.

Impossible to anticipate the impact

of such a thing on Halloween

a shock that drains the color from

one’s memories

a pain that wanes but never dissipates,

eternal longing for a conversation

that will never be had.

Yet the fog rolled in that day

and the next,

the house on K st. remains

a ramshackle remnant

of days passed.

Highway 1 continues to wind

crookedly through the coast line

and the serene cemetery

never stops keeping watch.

hyacinth house

2010-07-23T12:23:00.000-04:00

What are they doing in the Hyacinth House?
What are they doing in the Hyacinth House?
To please the lions in this day
I need a brand new friend who doesn't bother me
I need a brand new friend who doesn't trouble me
I need someone yeah who doesn't need me
I see the bathroom is clear
I think that somebody's near
I'm sure that someone is following me, oh yeah
Why did you throw the Jack of Hearts away?
Why did you throw the Jack of Hearts away?
It was the only card in the deck that I had left to play
And I'll say it again, I need a brand new friend
And I'll say it again, I need a brand new friend
And I'll say it again, I need a brand new friend, the end

look of the day

2010-07-21T12:55:00.002-04:00

2010-07-21T12:18:00.004-04:00

slipped out of a beer garden last night with this sweet Spaten beer mug. it's HUGE! If anyone tried to mug me last night I probably could have killed them with this thing.

2010-07-21T12:12:00.005-04:00

Grace Kelly’s Forever Look

This is a great Vanity Fair article on Grace, be sure to check out the slideshow of some of her most iconic wardrobe pieces too!

topaz

2010-07-19T19:47:00.003-04:00

"...and would begin to run; and she would arrive breathless, rosy-cheeked, everything about her smelling of sap and verdure and fresh air... She was like a spring morning entering his room."

"Emma would grope her way, squinting, dewdrops clinging to her hair like a halo of topazes around her face."

LISTEN to my petite soeur's lovely song here.

2010-07-15T19:01:00.006-04:00

I held him as a delicate child

gazing at his placid face

opaque and unblinking,

ran my fingers through his white waves

absorbing pale lashes, cupid's lips,

the tangled locks of an unruly enfant

my alien with the visage of an angel

I wait for him to wake

wait for a sliver of a waking grin

my opening to burrow in

We churn each others' skin

creating heat, melting together

in the ripe humidity

When we rise

we take turns brushing each others' backs

anticipate the coffee we'll soon have

espresso or americano or a shared pot of French press or

as we walk he feels for my sides

and I tell him not to worry,

"my hips are still here."

2010-07-15T17:33:00.004-04:00

Melting into a puddle of whine.

I spit it out time after time.

Everything I touch keeps breaking.

The heat and booze left me melting.

Feeling of rope tied around my wrists.

I just couldn't stand that stupid movie.

I made etchings of broken glass to cope.

It left me with a sickly feeling.

Sometimes his name comes up.

Remember when we ate shrimp po' boys in the rain?

We tried to be quiet so your parents wouldn't hear.

I miss your screw sometimes.

It did me in.

All the loss and change and self-blame punished me.

I was abandoned in black space.

Could you taste it?

Last year I came in last place.

Last year mornings were too much to take.

Last year I spent listening for the clang of the iron gate.

Last year you left me at last.

Broke all the rules last year.

Boy you were something.

What a blue girl you created boy.

Last year I went broke.

2010-07-15T17:10:00.001-04:00

howl

whole

heart

whore

why?

who?

with who

were you

shit

love

lies

lax

lacquered

sack

lust

busts

little

shoe

2010-07-15T09:52:00.002-04:00

"As for Emma, she never tried to find out whether she was in love with him. Love, to her, was something that comes suddenly, like a blinding flash of lightning- a heaven sent storm hurled into life, uprooting it, sweeping every will before it like a leaf, engulfing all feelings. It never occurred to her that if the drainpipes of a house are clogged, the rain may collect in pools on the roof; and she suspected no danger until suddenly she discovered a crack in the wall."

Ripe red, green dreams

2010-07-07T18:34:00.003-04:00

I saw you

crouched in the frog patch

Did you see me?

Green and ill,

seeped in snot,

slipping through a sea of pine needles

I watched as the red earth crumbled beneath your soles

ripe in the vines, sour,

perhaps dour-

I sat sap toothed, sloth eyed

waiting for you

to traipse through

kicking up the dry earth in a cloud of red stew

oh you,

in your velvet dress and your tall boots,

a lanky Victorian explorer, with bramble tangled in your mop

of chocolate locks

chasing through a pine cone fairy land,

of green silt

turning over swamp stones

clamoring over broken fences

awhirl in a tangle of ripped petticoats

frayed lace and dirt all about your ankles

bits of pine cone flesh hovering in the air

porridge running through your gut,

no bloat to speak of-

trapped inside a green terrarium,

consumed with

an ethereal feeling,

a green wonder,

an agate adoration

moss reaches its tentacles forth,

growing and growing,

reaching closer still

slight spotted mushrooms expand and contract,

like a lung inhaling red dust

Are we awake or asleep?

On drugs or simply in a green dream?

Entangled in dead branches and junk yard debris

We pray for the souls of railroad workers

Buried underneath the tracks

everytime a train whistles

their spirits appear all in black.

2010-07-01T15:10:00.007-04:00

2010-07-01T15:06:00.013-04:00

2010-07-01T14:56:00.018-04:00

2010-07-01T14:02:00.007-04:00

2010-07-01T13:42:00.003-04:00

just kids

2010-06-30T15:23:00.004-04:00

"But secretly I knew I had been transformed, moved by the revelation that human beings create art, that to be an artist was to see what others could not."

"I craved honesty, yet found dishonesty in myself. Why commit to art? For self-realization, or for itself? It seemed indulgent to add to the glut unless one offered illumination."

find the lizard

2010-06-30T15:14:00.000-04:00

excerpts

2010-06-18T01:21:00.002-04:00

"I am forever sleeping and waking. I am made and remade continually. I bloom and ripen, I wilt and decompose. I melt into the pale-yellow horizon. I watch the runnels that stream in the gravel. We yield to the slow flood, it jars, it shivers- our bodies, his hard, mine flowing are pressed together within its body, it holds us together in smooth, in sinuous folds. Rolls us between it, on and on. Are we not acceptable moon? I in my satin, he in his black and white. Scent and flowers, radiance and heat are distilled here to a fiery, yellow liquid- like a flame, febrile, hot over dry earth. Golden grain falls like rays round the star in the middle of a smashed window-pane."

Virginia Woolf is beyond genius

2010-06-15T19:37:00.005-04:00

Three nights alone,

three days of ceaseless sleep

without reprieve

Light disappears

I fade continuously into the rope grey sheets.

A rumpled ghost,

half awake, half asleep,

I dream of things inconcrete.

I watch your past lovers play parts in fabricated scenes

I notice your absence there

and here, but there’s no telling where you might be concealed.

You, the king of elusion wear a crown of paper thorns

your eyes sway sideways, cannot confront what isn’t yours

anymore.

I swim through streams of past moments tinged green

nauseated I seek solace in my own nooks and crevices.

I feel for that place of blackness and warmth

where only I hold the key-

Disconnecting from things,

ropes untied and swinging

they no longer have hold over me

I am untouchable here, unscathed,

and not even sloe eyed foxes

can slip in to catch a glimpse of my bleeding heart.

2010-06-11T13:32:00.002-04:00

Trois nuits seul dans mon lit

Trois jours de sommeil sans répit

La lumière disparait

Je deviens de l’air

look of the day

2010-06-10T13:02:00.000-04:00

le matin

2010-06-10T12:55:00.004-04:00

2010-06-09T13:33:00.004-04:00

i remember the first time we rode the subway together and how i leaned in so close to your face.

i remember the smoky yellow walls of that apartment in paris, and the retched heat, and the white sheets.

i remember his smell, how i kept smelling my arms and didn't want to wash it off.

i remember that night when you said "it feels so good to want someone."

i remember the thunderstorms and fire flies at my uncle charlie's house in wisconsin.

i remember when i took my grandma ernie to wal-mart and pushed her wheelchair.

i remember waking outside in the thick lustrous mist of the new cuyama desert.

i remember loving you in spite of myself.

2010-06-08T13:07:00.012-04:00

smores spot on a cliff

victorian tinware

2010-06-08T13:05:00.003-04:00

2010-06-08T12:50:00.002-04:00

in the woods

2010-06-02T13:04:00.004-04:00

look of the day

2010-05-26T13:02:00.002-04:00

look of the day

2010-05-20T19:15:00.001-04:00

2010-05-19T18:39:00.001-04:00

2010-05-19T15:13:00.001-04:00

2010-05-19T15:07:00.000-04:00

2010-05-19T15:00:00.001-04:00

baubles

2010-05-17T00:10:00.004-04:00

2010-05-13T17:59:00.001-04:00

Abandon, abandonner

one day you’re there the next you’re disappeared

Black heart, bruised blue

Violent violet nights

Of grief, slews of grey hues

Shadows in my sleep

Sommeil can’t even save me

from this pit of snakes

2010-05-13T00:25:00.001-04:00

if it was sunday i

i wish i had

you are a

we should

do you want

hoping for

have you seen

would you like a

are you out and

i see your

what if she

when i look i see

in your starry eyes

froggy pt. 3

2010-05-13T00:06:00.011-04:00

patch pt. 2

2010-05-12T23:48:00.011-04:00

2010-05-11T19:32:00.000-04:00

you know you've had a few too many when...

2010-05-11T19:18:00.002-04:00

photo cred: antiquity

look of the day

2010-05-07T19:00:00.001-04:00

psilocybin

2010-05-07T18:38:00.004-04:00

down in the frog patch

green & ill

seeped in snot

ripe in the vines

slipping into a sea of silt

sap toothed, sloth eyed

sour

slime all in your sinuses

snotty nosed

it's a big fat dose of slugs

porridge running through your gut

no bloat,

fading into pine cones

praying for the souls of railroad workers

buried underneath the tracks

every time i hear a train whistle

i see their spirits

all in black

miel

2010-05-04T23:46:00.000-04:00

flaxen honeyed hair
halo of cornsilk
hollogram eyes
leaves me tongue tied

frog patch pt. 1

2010-05-01T21:29:00.014-04:00

chloe says:

2010-04-30T16:50:00.002-04:00

mr mojo risin

2010-04-30T14:18:00.004-04:00

Saw "When You're Strange" the new Doors documentary with my lovely friends last night. Dots, popcorn, junior mints and Jim Morrison, it was awesome!! Certainly a must see! Jim is pretty much a sex god & his leather pants are killerr-

2010-04-27T21:54:00.002-04:00

la plage haikus (wishful thinking)

beach daze, lazy play

skin baking under the rays

dissolving in sand

tummy full of rum

listening to the waves crash

windblown and salt stung

arrived

2010-04-26T21:53:00.002-04:00

Sometimes you find yourself so sad and blue

Rainy days that pour on thick

All those dreams of no return

Your anemic heart dry and bruised

Feels like wading through the wreckage

of a life, that was once yours

but no longer belongs to anyone.

Biting memories

burrow like thistle into your sides,

feels like drowning every night

watching your own inevitable demise,

afflicted with open wounds

that bloom and blister unexpectedly

a leaky tear, a tired thought,

the discreet agony of loss

that lags interminably.

all you desire is to be buried beneath the sand,

to assuage your ravaged heart

in any way you can.

And then one day you wake sweetly

with a flaxen body at your side

and you think about the long ride

and wonder how something so illusive

has suddenly arrived.

2 dollar bill

2010-04-23T19:04:00.005-04:00

I was out buying my honeyed hair friend some local honey at the farmer's market and the miel man gave me two 2 dollar bills. I gave one to my friend, I kept the other. I quite like them.

2010-04-23T17:53:00.004-04:00

There was once a boy with water for eyes. These eyes didn’t penetrate like some, instead they waved, floated, and floundered always suggesting something deeper but never giving a straight answer. He was a little boy with beautiful slick hair like an otter ascending from the water; a boy with a glint in his eye that hinted at having seen something profound.

pony shit

2010-04-20T19:59:00.003-04:00

2010-04-19T20:05:00.003-04:00

"Sustained by things sugary, artificially pink. Mouthfuls of sentimental swill."

(I found this and can't remember if I wrote it or if some else did, any tips would be appreciated.)

+mystery solved written by a.h., baby sister.

2010-04-16T14:29:00.000-04:00

for my lyrical soeur:

sister siren

a strong headed soloist

saucy taste giver

heady guitar player

punchy heartbreaker

sister siren

buries her face in books

pouts out poetry

falls in easily

has chakras full of energy

a leo's lethargy

the aura of a priestess

to sum up spring break..

2010-04-12T14:53:00.009-04:00

all pictures courtesy of hannah jewett...

slick

2010-04-09T17:09:00.001-04:00

waves

2010-04-09T13:10:00.004-04:00

"But this is a thin dream, this is a papery tree."

"It is not solid; it gives me no satisfaction- this empress dream."

"I feel already... that things we have only dimly perceived draw near."

2010-04-09T13:00:00.002-04:00

Isn't it beautiful? Click here for more--

aren't they glamorous?

2010-04-07T14:28:00.002-04:00

just started watching season 3 of mad men on dvd...it's phenom. betty's dress is to die for!

Townes

2010-04-07T12:49:00.005-04:00

I watched Be Here to Love Me the other night which is this amazing documentary about the life of Townes Van Zandt. It was a beautiful and intriguing portrait of a super talented complex guy. Some of the stories in it are so insane! Like the time Townes jumped off a balcony 4 stories up for no real reason... or the time he accidentally glued his mouth shut with airplane glue... such a compelling crazy person. Watching his kids speak about their late father was especially touching and heartbreaking.

full moon in Libra

2010-03-30T16:58:00.004-04:00

Last night was the full moon in Libra, this full moon casts its light upon who we are through the relationships we cherish enough to nurture and perhaps persons special enough for us to share our dreams with. Whatever may be uncovered during the full moon period (next 2 weeks) may require big changes/promises/assurances to restore harmony within relationships. Libra is the sign of balance, so this full moon is all about restoring balance within our emotional/psychological self. The theme of this full moon is that change can't happen without conflict. During this time anything that is hidden from view may be seen and choices must be made. Don't over-analyze and bypass emotions for the sake of the rational. Experience and allow yourself to feel. The way to deep healing is by communicating your needs & desires.

*phrases of the day:

"the moon faced clock regards me"

"cadaverous and wounded"

"butterfly powder"

"oily somnolence"

"i despise dabblers in imagery"

*All taken from Virginia Woolf's The Waves

2010-03-26T13:39:00.000-04:00

2010-03-26T13:36:00.001-04:00

2010-03-26T13:14:00.002-04:00

fuckkk

2010-03-25T21:44:00.004-04:00

FUCK! I need to be off work RIGHT now. We challenged ourselves to finish a bottle of Jameson last night (and failed) but I'm suffering like a dog & I have to work til 1030. I'm about to lose it. !!!!!!

On a different note I stole these photos from Karen's blog. They were taken in San Francisco with some of my favorite people in the world.

vacances

2010-03-23T21:57:00.004-04:00

where did my vacation go? sunshine glory, lavender infused whiskey drinks, infinite joints, pine woods, koi ponds, rivers, broken fences, endless piano playing, california air, grams, stones, scaling, ocean, my best friends, are now barely visible in my rear view mirror.

so long cin cin

2010-03-23T16:18:00.003-04:00

As I suspected Cinny was adopted while I was on vaca. I'm heart broken but I'm sure she found a good home. New Yorkers love their pets after all. So long Cinny, you will be missed.

metal heart

2010-03-13T23:08:00.002-05:00

Lately I haven't been sleeping enough. I've been going to sleep at 4 or 430 most nights and am now ill. I've been doing weird things like walking over 2 miles in the rain at 3 a.m. and stopping at a gas station on my way home to get a slurpee. Slurpees are very nostalgic for me because Scott and I always used to walk to the 7/11 near his house on K st. after our tennis matches. Today I stayed in bed all day and it felt amazing. For some reason Metal Heart suits my Saturday night mood perfectly, not in a melancholy way more in a 90s dark sleepy way. 90s Cat Power never disappoints.

drama

2010-03-12T16:44:00.005-05:00

[Andrea is dating a foxy West Beverly Alum & Brandon gets jealous and kisses her...]

Andrea: what the hell was that?

Brandon: it's just how i feel

Andrea: look don't insult me like that ok, not now

Brandon: hey, hey, what are you talking about?

Andrea: the only reason you're the slightest bit interested in me is because i'm seeing someone else and you know it.

Brandon: that's not true

Andrea: oh yeah? then where have you been the last couple of years brandon? you had your chance, you made your choice and i'd appreciate it if you got out of my way because i have a date

Brandon: so break it

Andrea: [laughs] what makes you think you're so damn irresistible?

in love

2010-03-11T13:29:00.004-05:00

This little boxer mix is up for adoption next door to my work at Biscuits and Bath and is soo adorable. Her name is Cinnamon but I call her Cinny. She's the cutest thing. I'm going to be so sad when she gets adopted & I can't walk by her in the window anymore. Cinny don't leave me!!

2010-03-07T21:03:00.003-05:00

sitting in bed on oscar night barely able to move, still in recovery from this weekend's dancing and drunken abandonment. can't move, can't eat, too tired to sleep... swathed in blankets, cat power, and infatuation. swooning is tiring... i could possibly be fading.

weekend stats

bottles of wine partook in this weekend: 7 (shared of course)
number of incense burned tonite: 5
number of times hung out at kelloggs late nite: 2
cups of coffee downed at kelloggs: 4
number of fights witnessed at kelloggs: 1
number of couples seen on the sunny streets today basking in their love: enough to make me nauseous

Alamar

2010-03-05T14:57:00.005-05:00

I saw my first movie of the month last night and it was lovely lovely. It was playing at Bam's Rotterdam Cinematek series. The Mexican film Alamar (to the sea) made its US premiere last night. The film follows a real father and son on a fictionalized fishing romp in Chinchorro, Quintana Roo, home to the second-largest coral reef on the planet and one of the few places in the Mexican Caribbean with an intact ecosystem. The director created the film to at once expose the beauty of the reef in hope of solidifying its status as a world heritage site & also as a reflection on the fleeting nature of childhood. This film was playing one night only at BAM but I encourage everyone to see it when it comes to Film Forum in July. This simple quiet tale of a father and son's last journey together filled me with love and wonder. See more gorgeous photos of the reef here.