reves

I have been having the most insane dreams lately. A couple weeks ago I dreamt (ah an On the beach song just came on Pandora & I'm about to open a citrus Kombucha how spring like-- too bad it's a blizzard) anyway I dreamt that I was pregnant. I was sitting in yoga with one hand on my heart and one on my belly and then I remembered that the previous night I had dreamt of being pregnant. The hand on my belly reminded me of the very real protruding belly I had had in my dream. In the dream, I was standing in front of a mirror with my belly exposed showing it to my bestie Anh. I was going to have the child & had completely accepted it. Until I started having second thoughts. In the dream I wasn't sure who the father was but then I realized. I started thinking I should have an abortion; freaking myself out being like this is life changing, this changes everything, you're not ready!! And then I found out I was too far along to have an abortion. So I start making plans for the baby daddy to move to NY and us getting an apartment together and like having this child. It was nuts.

Well last night I had a dream that I was left at the alter!! I know, I know, wtf is going on in my mind. I was marrying a guy with a Spanish accent who I hadn't known for very long. Like maybe a couple weeks... (he doesn't exist in real life btw). I was having 2nd thoughts about getting married too. I was thinking how I hadn't known this guy for very long, and what a hypocrite it would make me for always kind of thinking it was weird when people got married so young. I was thinking now I'm one of those people!! But then the guy left me at the alter... I remember I was wearing a beautifully beaded floor length white skirt with a really weird white ugly cropped jacket with a zipper down the front. Anyway who the hell knows what's going on with my subconscious. What's strange is in my daily life I'm not at all preoccupied with children or marriage.

PS> I did a forearm stand!! One step closer to handstand. So so close, yet still so far away.

having an exceptionally shitty day? listen to simon & garfunkel & repeat "all is groovy" as your mantra. it worked for me.

I made the mistake of going to see the "Who Shot Rock n' Roll" exhibit at the Brooklyn Museum today on its very last day. And while it was a nice thought I should have learned my lesson the last time. The last time NP & I went to see the Bourgeois show at the Gugg on its very last day and the line was terrible. It was worth it because it was Louise Bourgeois and she's amazing but still... We had also just snuck behind a bush and gotten high in Central Park prior to entering which didn't make being around crowds very pleasant. These days I'm straight but the crowds were still out of control today and the pictures are small and the gallery was humid and smelly. They were beautiful but it was really tough to get close. Just the line to get in took 40 minutes and there were many more lines to follow. Anyway enjoy Dylan above. I just made guacomole for the first time & it's not bad. It's funny how you start changing without even realizing it. Kate and I were just marveling the other day about how we're starting to take pleasure in things like grocery shopping and I was thinking damn we're getting old and boring. At least I get to spend the money I don't spend on drugs and take out on things like lingerie and velvet drapes. For those of you that live in Manhattan, I highly recommend Journelle it's a lingerie lovers' heaven. It's on 17th street between Union Square & 5th ave. and the dressing rooms are HUGE--Check it out JOURNELLE.

PS- I've been doing tons of yoga and I'm so close to doing handstand it's driving me nuts. I kicked the wall the other day I'm soo close but alas I must be patient. One of these days it will happen, I've just been trying for soo long!

moore decor

Isn't the decor in this scene from "a single man" insanely amazing? also I saw julianne moore twice on Wednesday I think she lives on 11th st. She looked very thin, confused, and was partaking in the clog boot trend.

january cinema

my list thus far:

broken embraces (bam)

up in the air (bam)

antichrist (ifc)

invictus (angelika)

a single man (bam)

showgirls (ifc)

crazy heart (angelika)

sweetgrass (film forum)

our daily bread (afa)

the year after dayton (afa)

who killed teddy bear (afa)

hausu (ifc)

fish tank (ifc)

leonard cohen live at the isle of wight 1970 (cinema village)

I still have 3 more days of January I think it might be a record-!

i cannot understand these 2 polar epidemics-- Africans suffering from malnutrition and Americans suffering from obesity. Why can this not be remedied? It's so saddening how these people are allowed to starve while we have this extreme abundance. "Although she will see fewer trauma cases in Africa, the work will be no easier. Many of her 30 to 40 patients, she said, will suffer from malnutrition, tuberculosis and HIV. She found that out in two trips to Uganda last year. "It's always malnutrition," Bellino said."

do you know the feeling of fatigue?
the burning of the eyes, the constant ringing.
do you know the feeling of longing
it pulls at the yarn of your sweaters
until they're all holey
do you know how it feels to constantly wonder
about things you don't really want to know
why, where, with whom is the one i lost
and how could they abandon me so?
do you know the feeling of disappearing without a trace,
being sucked into a vortex and pushing erase.
what if you're the one erased?
if with the push of a button
you fall through a trap door and into nullspace